If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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