She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
