i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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