I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
