@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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