I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
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Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
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Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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