i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
