shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
