Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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