your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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