All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
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I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
whose ass print is on the piano?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
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It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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