If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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