Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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