he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
