Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
