dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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