the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
