I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
