Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
