it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
