i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
