I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
