If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
