So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
