Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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