Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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