i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
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Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
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Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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