I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
