Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
