Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Damn victory sex feels great
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
