u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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