I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
