My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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