I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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