if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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