Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
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I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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