All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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