But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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