u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
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I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
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No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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