Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
