turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
