I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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