I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
