I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
