Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
