Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
