nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
