When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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