oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
