I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
