it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
