If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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