i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
