I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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