If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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