i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
