Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you will always have a special place in my vag
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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