That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
