he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
