We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
4 words: hood of his car
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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