i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
