Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
