He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
