Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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