good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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