My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
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There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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