i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
